Your verses

Everyone loves writing limericks.  It's easy to do, and we bet you think you can do better than Jerry Markison - so join in the fun by sending in your Liverpool Limericks and we'll publish the deserving ones here!

Email your offerings to info@BeauclairBooks.co.uk

As the scandal surrounding MPs' expenses rages, here's a ditty about a Liverpool gal you may have heard of...

As Cherie Blair's lip starts to curl,
and the story slowly unfurls,
that she went to Beijing
and bought a few things
But did she pay VAT on the Pearls?

(Jimi Gibbo)

Following Jerry's interview by Helen Jones on the Billy Butler show on BBC Radio Merseyside on Tuesday 6 June, there was an outpouring of local talent as listeners called and wrote in with their limerick tributes to Billy Butler, who was taking a few days off.  Here's a flavour:

There is a presenter "BB".
His programme is special, you see.
His attempts at DIY
Make his poor wife cry,
So no more holidays off BBC!

His show contains Caring Steve
Whose caring is hard to believe.
He cares for the needy,
The sick and the greedy
And still wears his heart on his sleeve!

(Kevin, Aintree)

There was a presenter "BB"
Who broadcast from 2 until tea
With his music and game
And jokes that are lame
But he'd struggle without Caring Ste!

(Catherine)

Says old Billy Butler, "I'm humble:
I'm getting too old for a grumble.
But produce me a blonde
And I'm still not beyond
Having an interesting fumble!

(Una, Southport)

There is a presenter "BB",
Likes to eat on the sand by the sea.
His favourite dish
Is battered fried fish
With chips and the oldd mushy pea!

(Chris, Rainford)

A radio icon, "BB"
Has listeners howling with glee
With his sideways views
And support of the Blues
A wiser man you never will see!

(Mr Q, Netherton)

There was a presenter "BB".
"Mrs Butler's eldest" was he.
From 2 until 5
He entertains Merseyside live
And then he goes home for his tea!

(Marie, Radio Merseyside Travel reporter)

There was a presenter "BB"
Who was guided through traffic by Marie.
He always was lost
Till he heard the voice sexy and soft
Then he travelled back home with Marie!

(Chris)

There is a presenter "BB"
Who works for the BBC.
He's a Scouser with wit,
At the mic he does sit
With his banter and witty repartee

(Jean, Kensington)

There is a presenter "BB"
Who's been on the airwaves, it seems, an eternity 
When I was a boy
To Bill I'd listen with joy
I still do now, aged 73!

(Joe, Huyton)

There is a presenter "BB"
Who lives across the Mersey.
He's thinning on top 
(Just a bit, not a lot)
Check the webcam and then you can see!

(Steve Coleman, Billy's Producer)

The Liverpool Echo ran a limerick competition during the Liverpool Comedy Festival in 08.  The winning entry was this verse, which was written after Ringo Starr told Jonathan Ross there was nothing he missed about Liverpool just after Ringo had performed at the opening of the Capital of Culture celebrations in the city.

Thousands turned out to see that man Ringo
Who once used to speak the Scouse lingo.
But after spouting some dross
On that Jonathan Ross
He would struggle to fill Mecca Bingo.

(Dave Wiggins, Rainford)

Other entries in the Echo's competition included these by Doug Harris in Stockton-on-Tees

Liverpool - bright as Alpha Centauri,
Culture capital - hey what a story!
People's modesty spurns
All the accolades earned ...
Not so government, grabbing the glory.

Next year, see the culture of Strauss
As Austrians open their house.
But it ain't on a par
With the Michelin Star
That's awarded a good plate of scouse.

Football thought in a 5-liner verse, see:
There's a rule if you live by the Mersey.
Even if it's your paw
It's the Liverpool law
You must slag off the man in black jersey.

Such a joke falls on ears of the deaf
Where the culture buffs don't dis the ref.
But if Lennon was here
He would make it quite clear
He prefers to see art with an 'f' ...